its been some time since i had a serious "heart to heart blog" already. when was the last time?? think its about the singlehood article.

been talking to big bro on a certain person quite recently and throughout the whole issue, think i was supposed to find my true self which i thought i already did. but well, i think i do know myself to a certain extent, but i'm not doing anything to know what i want as myself. and overall i concluded that i am still not willing to sit down and think about anything. and guess what, both of us concluded that i'm sort of a selfish brat, thinking mainly of oneself and always so "fickle" in chinese terms, i'm a very xi xin yan jiu kind of person. (this trait of mine i realised about 5 years ago but till now has done nothing about it. )

and so i go on, i realised this trait of mine has prevented me from getting hurt too deeply in any relationships, be it family, friends, guys.. well, it still hurts at times, but it gets over pretty quickly. the longest i think took me about 4 months to totally get over it and leave on feelign better than ever. well, its not really that long ba... :P

i don't i should be proud of this trait, but currently i would say that i'm living well with it, enjoying the pressence of it. but i'm worried, what effect would it have on my FUTURE relationships?? would i lose my old firends over my new found ones (it almost did, freaky incident, here i think i should apologise to them) would i divorce easily for a new guy?? would i....? would i...? but well eventually we concluded (or rather i did) that its just that i've yet to meet the right ones, to start a right relationship to maintain and sustain the RIGHT relationship for long. thus far, i can say that i've managed to do that with my gals buddy, with my family (striking a balance between the both, and mangaed to find the right role in the whole family).. now it all boils down to wat i really want... hmmmm... any suggestions?? hee... guesss i'll have to think it through on my own... when i want to... which is... i have no idea.